Sam's Breathing and Emotions

So not a whole lot has happened since I last posted.  On Friday they upped Sam's milk feedings to 25mL from 24mL because of his growth and then yesterday they upped it again to 26mL.  Four more milliliters and he'll be at an ounce!  He's been growing very nicely.

So last Tuesday they moved Samuel off of the CPAP and onto the Vapotherm as I explained in that post. I also mentioned that he had been having more A/B spells again (apnea, bradycardia).  Well, he kept having them, but generally these spells didn't drops his stats much and he practically always pulled himself out of it pretty quickly on his own.  Yesterday he actually had very few spells during the day, so that was great progress!

That is until last night.  Now before I go any farther, I just want to say these things are completely NORMAL in the NICU.  That is to say, nothing to cause alarm about.  Last night his spells were deeper and he struggled getting out of them himself, which was basically him telling us he's not ready for Vapotherm.  Thus he went back to CPAP early this morning.

Some people might think this "setback" should make me emotional and I'm sure it does make some people emotional if it happened to them.  However, please try to look at this from my perspective:

Sam was born at 27 weeks gestation, which means to go full-term, he should have stayed inside of me until about 40 weeks, which is approximately another 13 weeks.  Samuel's now just over 3 weeks old, which means he should still be inside of me for another 10 weeks or so.  Now being inside of me, I should be the one taking care of most of his essential body functions.  He's not supposed to be breathing yet!  But he's been born and now he has to.

Imagine if you moved to a foreign country that speaks a foreign language.  BUT you haven't learned the language yet.  This is going to be a rough transition at first.  Yes, some people will know English and be able to aid you, but it is still difficult.  This is kind of like Sam's situation.  He hasn't been given the full time to prepare for the experience of life out of the womb.

This takes time to adjust to and to allow time for his body to mature.  This is why they say to expect babies to be in the NICU until their due date.  Discharge is not a word we'll hear about Sam for a while yet!

When I process things emotionally I always have to look at the big picture.  Where are we going compared to where we are and how does that process look like?  What is normal?  What's not normal?  For Samuel having A/B spells, taking steps forward then backwards is completely normal.  It is normal for babies in his situation to need a blood transfusion.  It is normal to move him down on oxygen interventions then have to move him back up.  We won't know fully if he's ready until we try!

The staff is also just wonderful.  The doctors, nurses and respiratory therapists are constantly asking if we have questions and they answer any questions we as thoroughly as we ask them to.

Now what does this mean to my emotional state?  It means that I don't worry, I am relaxed and happy.  I don't worry because I know he's being well cared for.  I am relaxed because I am doing what I can and that's all I can do.  I am happy because we have a healthy, happy and active baby boy, who will one day come home.  Which is why I am not falling apart emotionally.

Why?  Because I know that God is giving us strength and the resources needed to deal with Sam's 13 week early arrival.  :-)