Simply Classical

Those who are friends with me on facebook probably know that I am a big fan of classical education. This has come about because some friends of mine started a classical education Lutheran high school online and asked me to be their German teacher.  Having no clue what I was signing up for I agreed to it.  Though it has been a little stressful because not only was I not familiar with classical education, but I had also never taught or been through 4 levels of high school German.  So I have been wading the waters of both.  The school I teach for is Wittenberg Academy and it is well worth a look at.  We have 7-12 grade online students that are full-time Wittenberg Academy students, homeschool students that take just one or two classes with us at a time and we have students that go to a brick and mortar school, but decided they want to take one of the courses we offer that they do not have access to at their own school.

One of the new things with Wittenberg Academy is our homeschool curriculum we just rolled out this year.  It is fully accessible online when you register for it and it is free.  The curriculum starts in Kindergarten and goes through 6th grade (at which point you would be able to have your child take the online courses we offer).

So that is first background, now to dive into the actual point of this post, which is my son, Samuel.  You see Samuel is a very smart kid, he examines things to bits, has shown that he has a great memory and great attention to detail.  We were at a friend's house one evening and after he finished playing with a toy he was not satisfied until he had put the toy back in the exact same position (including all the parts of the toy) that he got the toy in.  We joke that he is a little OCD, he just notices detail and wants things to be "right."  The other thing about my son is he's slow with speech. By that I mean that he will turn 3 in January and cannot even hold the simplest of conversations.  When last summer started I think his only word was Hoo hoo (Choo Choo for train, he's obsessed with trains, Thomas the Tank Engine anyone?) and he was almost 2.5.

Just before summer hit we started him in speech therapy.  His therapist encouraged me to try to make him talk for things, but I honestly did not push it because whenever I tried to make him talk (like make him say a word before giving him milk or a toy, things like that), he would just get so frustrated and it never ended well.  So we just sat back and kept reading tons of books and had him point out about everything in the books (he was a master pointer, you could ask him where just about anything on a page in the book was and he'd find it, as long as he had heard the word once or twice before, sometimes he had to look for a moment especially on larger pages, but he pretty much always found whatever you asked him to point to).

Then I went to the CCLE Conference.  CCLE stands for "the Consortium on Classical and Lutheran Education."  It happens to be the organization that Wittenberg Academy just got accredited through and it is their conference that we try to meet up as a staff every summer, this is our second year as a school going to it and my first year (last year I was super pregnant with Ruth and would have had to take Samuel along on a 6+ hour drive by myself and we decided it wasn't worth it).  At the conference I learned a ton about classical education, got connected to people who can answer my questions throughout the year (the Bensons over at Wittenberg Academy are a fantastic resource too, but it is nice to be in contact with multiple people who know what classical education is about) and was exposed to a wealth of resources.  One of those resources/people is Cheryl Swope.

Cheryl Swope is a Lutheran who homeschooled her own children classically after deciding that the public schools did not have much to offer them.  You see her kids were and are severely disabled and her having worked in Special Education and looking at her children's specific needs decided there had to be something better out there for them, so they dove into Classical Education.  If you want to learn more about her children and how she educated them I really encourage you to look up her book, Simply Classical published through Memoria Press.  If you live near me, I own a copy and am not reading it (already did that) you are welcome to borrow my copy.  This book is great because not online does she outline how classical education can be very accessible to severely disabled children, but it also does a great job outlining what classical education even is.  It is a great starting place if you want to learn more about classical education.

One of the resources Cheryl Swope had to share is a curriculum she was in the process of finishing up (the first level or two of the three were already out by the time of the conference and now all 3 levels are available for purchase) is a special needs curriculum geared towards ages developmental ages 2-4.    I had seen this curriculum on the Memoria press website before, but after talking to her and hearing her in person I wanted it for Samuel.  At the time of the conference I was wanting to get something to use with Samuel that would just structure a little time (not much, just a little) to focus on oral language skills.  He was great with understanding what was said to him and by the time he started speech therapy he could carry out multi-step directions.  So it was clear he was hearing and understanding language, he just wasn't producing it, so I wanted something word based to use with him to focus a little time together on oral language skills.

The Level A of Cheryl's Special Needs curriculum from Memoria Press has been a perfect fit!  I ordered the lesson plan book only and received it shortly thereafter (quicker than Memoria Press had estimated the time, so that is always nice).  Then I had to order a few other books before we could start.  You have the option of ordering just the lesson plan book or ordering the lesson plan book along with all the books you read throughout.  I looked up the list of books and found that most of them are available at our local library, so I opted to save a little and just order the lesson plan book.  So far it's been good.  The books that are not available (like 5 out of the 30) I am getting through Amazon or ThriftBooks and we put all the books on Samuel's amazon wishlist, after we use the book I move it to Ruth's wishlist because we'll probably do the same curriculum with her too.

Enough on logistics of getting the curriculum.  :-)  What is the curriculum actually made up of?  First of all, you have to understand how I have always viewed curriculum.  To me curriculum is the means to goal, but not an end all.  Even a fantastic curriculum may have to be altered to fit the needs of the student, the teaching style of the teacher or simply the resources at hand.  I have never in my life seen a curriculum that can always be implemented in the same exact way for all combinations of factors and work perfectly.  Adjustments are just something that will be made naturally as you go through the work.  With that said, I also believe that a good education meets the student where they are, encourages them to perfect their abilities at their current level and then pushes them to achieve more than they could at the start.  If it only meets them at their level and never pushes boredom occurs and if it always pushes and does not affirm them in their current abilities burn out can happen.  So both need to occur in my opinion.  Working with my son one on one is great because I can ensure that happens better than when I was in a classroom with 20-30 kids.

So the curriculum is a 4 day a week curriculum with a combination of activities that happen every day regardless of the week and books with activities centered around the book that changes from week to week and day to day.  Every week is focused on 1 book and at least 1 book gets covered over the span of 2 weeks, but there is no more than 1 book per week.

The daily activities include the following; a prayer (that changes every few weeks so they can really learn each one), weather chart, days of the week calendar, counting, the alphabet and a memory verse (its the same one the whole curriculum).  My son adores doing the weather chart and the days of the week calendar.  We heard his first phrases ever with the weather chart (It's cloudy. and It's sunny.).  Lately he has even been saying weather after I prompt him to go to his chart to tell me the weather.  This morning the whole walk to his bedroom (we keep the chart by his bedroom window) he was saying weather over and over again while he walked over to it.  The days of the week calendar has been great too because he is already starting to grasp that each day the clothes pin moves from one day to the next.  We always say what day it was yesterday and then I ask him what day it is today and he usually moves the clothes pin to the next day.  Sometimes, like this morning he decides to go backwards on the chart instead of forwards, but that's all part of the learning process!  After we establish what day it is today we say all the days of the week in order Sunday through Monday.  The lesson plans do not lay out exactly how to do this, but we have found this routine works for us.  When he is better about always moving it to the next day we'll probably talk about what day tomorrow is going to be, but right now I think that might be a tad confusing for him.  We'll get there!

The prayers I have occasionally subbed in more Lutheran ones (Cheryl Swope is Lutheran, but Memoria Press is not and the prayers she chose are great, but I also want my children to learn our Lutheran prayers, like the morning and evening prayers).  Usually I use whatever prayer is suggested in the lesson book, there are some goodies in there like the Lord's prayer and some of the more traditional children's prayers that kids used to always learn.  I have to hit him at the right time to do the prayers otherwise he fights me.  The joys of a toddler right?  So far he does not say the alphabet with me, but when the alphabet is connected with specific letters on the book cover he has shown that he can remember what the letters are and transfer that to different contexts.  We were at the library in the children's area and he had to point out certain letters to me, he does not know them all, but you have to start somewhere!  As for the numbers counting, he isn't real good at doing the counting himself, but I know he will one day as he is constantly hearing the count happen.  Right now we have been having fun counting people's fingers and toes to get to 10.  As for the memory verse he won't repeat it in chunks yet, so I just have him repeat word for word and then I tell him what the whole verse was.  Every so often I test the waters and see if he'll do 2 words at a time, but so far no such luck, so we'll keep at it word for word and keep checking if he'll do multiple words.

The books that were chosen for the weeks are wonderful.  Some of the books we already own because well, they are just typical books that people buy for people who have little kids, like Goodnight Moon, or Brown Bear, Brown Bear.  We probably already owned about 5-8 of the books, so between that and getting them at the library we are mostly set!  Also when I say it is time to read "fill in the title of the current week's book here" he eagerly grabs it if I don't have it in hand already and plops down in my lap to read it.  The lesson plans are great and pulling different aspects out of the pages of the book.  Some of the things they pull out are counting, colors, animal names and sounds, emotions and other simple concepts or word groups.  There are prompts in the lessons to get your child to respond to things in a particular way to encourage certain vocabulary.

Then there are other activities that focus on fine and gross motor skills.  One week he got to cut up a banana (with supervision of course) and make his own peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Another week we ran around the house like we were different animals, galloping, waddling and such.  It just really depends on what the story is what kind of activity is suggested.  The last week he got to practice using scissors (and he loves using scissors, not great at it yet, but getting the hang of it) and coloring in the lines.  This week it's drumming on an oatmeal container.  There is a wonderful variety of activities and he has been pretty motivated to do them so far!

Now that I outlined what the curriculum involves, how time consuming is it?  It is hardly time consuming at all generally!  In fact most days we finish everything listed for the day in about a half hour.  Sometimes the activities take longer or depending on schedules we don't have time to do everything listed so we either break it up through out the day (in the morning we might just accomplish the weather chart and days of the week calendar, then after lunch read the book and then do something of the other activities after supper in the evening for example) or we just leave something out.  If we leave something out it is generally the gross motor activity because though it reinforces the other things assigned for the day it is the easiest thing to leave off without losing something from the curriculum.  Also as a 4 day curriculum if you are super busy one day, just make it up a different day!  I've been really struggling a lot personally with sleep and some other health things so we have just skipped weeks occasionally and then picked up the next week where we left off.  I think the most important thing to remember is that you are doing something and that you do not have to race through to the end.  With something like this the first to the end does not win a prize, its more about teaching my son and having him enjoy the learning process.  If I am so exhausted or sick feeling that I cannot make it a good thing for him (there have been some days when I try to start work and then just don't do the work with him because of my patience level) then it may be better to not do it.  The curriculum lasts only 34 weeks which means in order to finish it within a year I have 18 weeks breathing room!  With a baby on the way that is a great thing for me to remember.  Also because of when we originally start it we were going to be reading the Christmas book before the end of November, now we'll read it in the middle of Advent which I personally like a little better.

Since the beginning of the curriculum what changes have I observed in my son's abilities?  Well, he is saying a lot more words, he's started being more spontaneous in his speech (when we started he only spoke when prompted too, now he will say words or 2 word phrases because he decided to as opposed to being told to) andI just get to see his little face light up each time we read a book.  We have continued speech therapy, though we have gone down to every other week instead of every week, even his therapist has noticed a great increase in his vocabulary since we started working with him on this curriculum.  We have also started doing flashcards (given to us by his therapist and ones that I have created myself) which I have laminated and put on the ring to take with in the diaper bag and that seems to be helpful too.  We just started doing that 2 weeks ago, but it's been good so far!

All in all I am really happy that we purchased the lesson plans, they have been a blessing to all of us. To Ben and myself as we watch our son grow in his abilities and to my son as he is able to be excited about the lessons and learn to say and do more.  I know this got lengthy, but I hope the information is helpful.  I love education and am excited to learn more as we educate our children, no matter what form of education that may take in the future.

HabitRPG

This year has been a really insane year for me.  All year I have been struggling with sleep (though essential oils have over all really improved that), stomach problems, a screaming baby (ok that was towards the beginning of the year, but it still is part of what has made this year so stressful) and a whole slew of random things that has made life really interesting and generally just rough.

Ok, this is not a post to complain, I'm just trying to set the stage.  Because of all of these various struggles I have really dropped the ball on taking care of the house.  By that I am referring to laundry, dishes, general cleaning and cooking.  Basically this year I have done little of all of that and have really leaned on my husband for things.  Also getting my work done for the online class I teach has been a struggle (doesn't help that when Samuel is awake he grabs for my computer making it impossible for me to get stuff done while he's awake or close by).

So I keep falling in ruts of not getting much done.  Earlier this year, in one of those ruts I was having little success of getting me working again, so I did a search online for to do lists, but I was looking for something more than just a simple list, exactly what I wasn't sure.  That is when I stumbled on HabitRPG.  I have been using it off and on since last spring and when I first started using it, Ben was amazed at what all was getting done around the house.

Basically what it is is a site that you list habits, dailies and to dos.  Habits are things you do frequently, but do not necessarily have a particular rhythm to them.  Dailies are things you do every day or regularly on certain days (you can set it to be a MWF daily for example).  To Dos are things you do and they are done and you can set a deadline to do them by.

As you go throughout your day you check off things that you have done (the first weeks of using it the lists get tweaked and changed until they are what you want) and doing that you earn experience and gold and you can also find things like eggs, hatching potions and food.  You hatch your eggs and feed them and they can become your steed.  As you level up you get access to more things that you can do in the game.  You can also join guilds (kind of like joining a group on facebook), enter challenges (these have their own tasks and rewards of diamonds that are used to purchase things) or join a party.  Parties are groups of people that take on challenges and fight evil foes.  I have only done a solo challenge so far, which is an egg hunt.

Right now I need to get back or reorganizing my lists and the needs of life have changed a tad over the last months and re-enter things into my to-do list column.

If you are looking for something different, try out HabitRPG, yeah it is kind of gimicky, but it is free and kind of fun.  And if you join and want to go on a quest, let me know and we can form a party.

Photobooks

As some of you may have noticed I am really bad about updating photos on facebook.  Sure I add a photo here and there, enough to wet your palate and then I don't post any new ones for a while.  This is not because I do not want to share my kids, part of it is simply logistics.  I do not have a smart phone, so to put more photos up I have to take the card out of the camera and put it in my computer and then put the photos on my computer and then upload them into facebook.  Although I realize I am not the only one with this particular problem, I will say my toddler who likes to try to use my computer does not make this task easy.  So normally when I have time to use my computer I am busy getting work done for Wittenberg Academy, the online school I teach German for.  They are paying me to teach, no one is paying me to upload photos, so they win my free time on the computer.

Something I am reasonable at though is making photobooks.  This seems to be shaping up to be my summer hobby.  I really do enjoy making photo books, it is way more interesting than uploading photos onto facebook to me!  So if you want to see photos of the kids, the best way to do it is to look at my blog to see if I posted some recently (I'm trying to get into the habit of writing a new post once a week - I have a future post to write about a website I am using to help me in that) or just ask me when you see me in person.  I would be happy to bring along photobooks to show you!  Though remember, the last time I made photo books was last summer and the ones I am working on now are not yet complete and ordered.  However I will post the photobook I made for our trip to the zoo, that I wrote about last week.  Yeah I know, more of the same photos, but hey, they are pretty recent photos and pretty darn cute ones too!

Click here to view this photo book larger

Create a gorgeous, high quality wedding photo album at Shutterfly.com.

A Trip to the Zoo

My husband had some guard training he had to do for 8 days during the first part of June.  Just before he left for it I was looking at the calendar and realized that the weekend he was to come home was our best shot at going to the Henry Doorly Zoo as a family this summer.  So instead of him driving home right away we planned to meet him in Omaha the evening he was off of drill and then spend the next day at the zoo.

Not only is the Henry Doorly Zoo one of the best zoos in the country, it is the zoo that I frequented as a child.  My Grandparents always took us Grandkids to the zoo when we visited, so I have lots of fond memories of the zoo as a child and could not wait to start sharing that with my children.  This trip to the zoo was much more for Samuel than for Ruth, but they both seemed to have an enjoyable day!

Samuel and Daddy checking out the animals in the Jungle.

Exploring some vines!

Taking a food break.

Ruth had fun riding in the stroller or riding on Mom's back.

Of course we took turns pushing the kids!

Rhino Butt!

Finding the animals.

Cool globe in water that you could see your reflection in.

This water bottle tastes yummy!

Desert Dome Time!

I like to play in the sand!

Ben's obligatory cactus-butt photo.

Samuel LOVED the aquarium, best part for him!

We even got to seem them cleaning the tunnel.

Shark!

Ben's fantastic jelly fish photo.

Bye bye zoo!  We'll come again soon!

Life with 2 (Mostly) Happy Kids Aged 2 and Under

Life has become much happier in our household, with many thanks towards Ruth's much more content attitude.  In fact over the last month or so I have found that I actually have to remind myself that I can take Ruth places.  When she was so fussy all the time I just couldn't bear the thought of having her scream the entire time we were out.  That meant that no matter how appealing trips to the library or shopping (or the parks as the weather got better) sounded, I had no desire to drag a screaming infant with me.

So now our weeks are filled with trips to the library, walks to the park and fearless trips shopping.  I say fearless because despite having a fussy baby I still sometimes had to go shop and that was just no fun.  Now all these activities are generally fun (other than the expected problems that arise when you have a 9 months old and a 2 year old).

We try to go to the library 2-3 times a week and with their summer programming starting soon, that very well might become more frequent.  On some of the really hot days we've already had I have had no desire to sit at a park and roast with them, so a pre-naptime trip the library is just about perfect.  Then we often round out the evenings with walks around the block, I might wear Ruth or we might push her, while Samuel roams the sidewalks looking for anthills to destroy.

Trips to the park generally involve me trying to run.  I say trying to run because I have exercise induced asthma and have barely ran since before Samuel was born, so I am working from square zero.  That means I run as much as I feel able to without my lungs exploding and walk the rest.  I try to at least keep my walking pace up at least and so far my running will not be winning me any trophies, except for maybe a good effort one.

Lately it has just been quite entertaining to watch those two kids interact.  Samuel adores his sister and she in turn adores him.  Of course with him being 2, their playing together sometimes involves things that end with Ruth crying...  That's just how it goes!  But also with Samuel being 2 things sometimes end with him scraping his knee, so at least I know he isn't just causing trouble for his sister!

It has also been fun to watch their very different personalities and paths of development unfold.  For example, from the first day we started Samuel on solids (and we started earlier than I intended to just because he seemed eager for them) he would devour almost everything in his path.  He has always loved to eat.  Ruth on the other hand refused to eat solids for quite a while.  She simply had no interest and would only fuss about us trying to feed her if we persisted and didn't take her hint.  Well, last week I tried to feed her solids again and this time, she loved it!  Over the last week we have been slowly increasing the amount and types of food we feed her.  So far she loves butternut squash and bananas and really loves to self-feed (something Samuel outright refused to do until after his smash cake).

Ruth also got her first two teeth mid-May at about 8.5 months old.  She'll be 9 months old tomorrow, so it is about time she got teeth and started eating solids!  :-)

Our family with Grandma at a cousin's wedding in Nebraska.

Broken

I finally finished the book Broken by Jonathan Fisk.  It took me a long time to do, as I got sidetracked many times along the way, but I finally finished it.

This post isn't going to be long, just long enough to say that I found the book to be helpful.  It goes through 7 Rules Christians should break.  The 7 Rules break down concepts to a basic level, because of that the book has helped me identify what those concepts are as they are applied in life.  It is so easy for us to fall for the lies of the devil, but it is important for us to be able to recognize those lies and come back to Christ on the cross crucified for our sins, buried, descended into Hell and rose again to give us new life with him.  We cannot save ourselves.

Please take the time to read this wonderful book!  Also take the time to check out Pastor Fisk's YouTube channel and this video about the book:

Life on the Happier Side

I haven't posted since my February update, so a quick recap of it:

Life was miserable for the weeks following that post.  She had a few good days and got worse than before (or maybe not worse, but it felt worse because her crying did not stop, but it was probably the same amount of crying).  When we took her in for her 6 month check-up she had lost apr. 10 ounces from when we took her in 2 weeks before that check-up.

So our doctor told me we should bottle feed her (breastmilk or formula, didn't matter, just wanted to check ounces).  After an extremely emotional weekend I made the decision to completely stop nursing.  We would feed bottles and I would pump until I dry up (getting sick shortly after that really sped up that process!).

I can say that although it was really really hard for me to stop nursing, it was the absolute best decision in our situation.  I had been so stressed out for so long, I just needed to be able to let go of something.  She had been nursed up till 6 months and I got her through winter.  So stopping then was perfectly fine with me, just hard emotionally.  I have theories as to how we got to where we were, so if anyone would like to know more about those, please contact me privately.  Maybe some day I will write publicly about those theories, but right now is not that day.

Since we switched to bottles all the time Ruth has become a very happy baby.  We hear lots and lots of babbling, she is become a more solid sitter and starting to hold herself in a stand when holding onto something (like the pew at Church it is the perfect height for her and perfect width for her hands).  That is something Samuel wouldn't hardly do until he was 1 year old!  He just did not like standing and Ruth has always loved standing.

I am now getting more excited about life again, though the stress of this year has left me with a mess, a messy house, always just barely keeping up with the class I teach and other things, so now I finally have the energy to start focusing on those other important things!

Something Ruth achieved recently that Samuel never did, was injuring my hip!  Saying Ruth loves bath time may be an understatement because she LOVES bath time.  In fact, she loves it so much that almost 2 weeks ago she splashed so hard she got lots of water on the floor.  I normally bathe her in a tub in the kitchen sink and as I shifted the weight between my feet I ended up on the floor doing splits.  Now my hip has been really sore!  A few days after that happened I could go up stairs normally and as of yesterday I have started to be able to go down stairs normally.  Maybe in 2 weeks I can start running like I was planning to 2 weeks ago?

The Attack of the Fussy 5 Month Old

So I have slacked on my blog once again…  This is why I will never try to make money with a blog, I simply don't remember to post.  Since October I have frequently thought about writing a post, I just haven't quite gotten there.  Well, here I am, writing a new post.  :-)

First a few quick (very quick updates):

• Samuel turned 2 last month!  The day after I turned 28 to be exact (some days I am amazed at how close I am to 30).  He enjoyed his birthday and adores his tricycle that he can't pedal yet because his legs are too short, maybe by summer he'll be able to?
• Samuel LOVES cars, trucks, trains, anything that is a vehicle.  He enjoys spending his days finding new surfaces to roll his vehicles over and sometimes ends up quite precariously perched on top of things to do it…
• I started teaching my second online class (German) with Wittenberg Academy.  This is a classical Lutheran high school and we are developing a middle school curriculum.

Ok, told you those would be fast!  Now to talk about what the title of this post is about, the attack of the fussy 5 month old.

Recently my daughter turned 5 months old, also recently she has rekindled her "joy" of having screaming fits.  This has made life very tough for the rest of us.  Normally when she's crying Samuel always gives a concerned look in her direction (he truly is a doting older brother).  When she cries as much as she has been it also sends all sorts of emotions through the parents dealing with her, specifically me, as the Mom that stays at home and spends all day with her.

Some reading this may recall a post recently about how she is crying a ton and I needed prayers and not advice.  That was followed up by a post about how I deleted a post that was not about my daughter because people started giving me advice on how to make my daughter happier (and all things suggested had been tried and failed).  Now I would like to explain a little of what was going through my mind.  This post is not going to be a pretty one and is definitely NOT about the joys of parenting.  This post is purely about the frustrations and pain that can go with parenting.

Last fall when my daughter was about 3 months old we started taking her to a chiropractor because starting around 2 months she started getting really really fussy and really really spitty.  I was convinced that her spit up was not a reaction to anything in my milk (yes, we nurse), but a reaction to her fussing, so we took her in to see if the chiro would help reduce the fussing and thus the spitting.  I am happy to report it worked and life became happy in the Venteicher home.

Then the last 3-4 weeks happened.  About a month ago she started getting really really fussy, but just in the evenings.  I figured her witching hour just got worse and rolled with it the best I could at first.  Well, starting about 3 weeks ago she started getting fussy all day long.  So 2 weeks ago I took her back to the chiro, but it didn't do much good this time.

I do not want to go into the things we tried or didn't try because I worked on trying different things and lots of things didn't work.  I had my suspicions, but it takes a while for things to have an effect.  So I had to patiently wait through all the fussing and screaming fits.

I was working on slowly tweaking things to see if it helps.  I do not think it is good to change everything at once for a day or two and then try something new, to find out if things are working, it takes time and patience.  Unfortunately at the time of posting I needed prayers because I was rapidly running out of patience.

It was about that time that she would start crying and I would literally start bawling.  I just could not take it any more.  Several days after posting that I needed prayers I resolved that every time she started getting even the slightest bit fussy I would change her diaper (if I hadn't just barely changed it already) and just put her in her crib, shut the door and crank the music.  This may seem cruel, but it is something I had to do.  I opted to lay my baby down in her crib and just let her cry there instead of keeping her close when I knew I was not in an emotionally good place, I was shutting down quickly and the sound of her cry made me want to run away.  That week I also had some people come over to take care of my daughter for me for a few hours in the evening when she would cry the hardest.

I am happy to report that by the end of the week I had regained my emotional control and was able to care for my daughter without worry.  I think that break from each other really helped.  I stepped back and instead of frantically trying to calm her and constantly not succeeding and just getting more and more frustrated, I retreated.  Babies need their parents to be able to care for them with a clear head and I clearly did not have one.

Slowly the things I had been doing to help her become less fussy started having an effect, I think at least.  But then again maybe it was nothing I did and she just started to be more content with life.  She is still fussy and only very very recently slowed down, but at least it isn't constant like it was.  Ruth is still a baby after all and babies do cry (just the amount of crying she was doing was quite unusually high).

Following is exactly what I was thinking throughout all this and part of why advice was so unwelcome, especially in a public forum like facebook.

It was simply this.  I just can't do it.  I cannot make my daughter happy, satisfied and content.  I am trying everything I can think of and nothing is working.  It is not possible I cannot do it.

Then I realized how strangely that sounded like our salvation in Christ.  Without Christ we have to hold the law perfectly to get to heaven.  We simply cannot get to heaven on our own merit because the law holds such high a standard we are all going to fail sooner or later.  It is simply impossible.  That is exactly what I was feeling with Ruth, it was simply impossible for me to console her and hearing more and more advice was like hearing more and more about what I have to do to get to heaven.  The only problem was I simply cannot earn my own salvation, it is impossible for a sinner like me.

The law (advice) just seemed to condemn me even more, like it was saying, you simply aren't doing enough.  You need to try harder and do more and things will be good!  Only that simply wasn't true, the harder and harder I tried to make her happy the harder she seemed to cry…

However, I believe that Christ came into the world to save us of our sins by dying on the cross and bring us to heaven with him in new life.  The greatest thing about it is we don't have to do anything.  Christ did all the saving work for us, there is nothing we can add or take away from it to save ourselves.  We simply cannot save ourselves.  We need Christ because without him we are condemned by the law.

This is why I only wanted prayers and no advice.  This is why I may be thankful later to go through this hardship, because it reminded me that I cannot do it all and that I cannot save myself.

When I posted that I needed prayers, maybe I should have posted something like this, "Hey everyone!  I need to be told the gospel.  Right now I am feeling worthless as a parent and I just need to be told the gospel, oh and lots and lots of prayers."

If you are a parent with an inconsolable child (call it colic, call it the period of purple crying, call it whatever you want), know that it is not your fault.  Do your best to feed, diaper and love on that child, but know that sometimes it just isn't enough.  Know that some times there is nothing you can do to stop the crying.  I had some ideas of what I could do to make it better, but ultimately all of those ideas could have failed and all of those ideas took time to try out, none of them were over night solutions.

Know that you are doing the best you can and you are an wonderful parent to your child.  Your child's fussiness is NOT a narrative of your parenting.  My heart goes out to you if you are in the midst of a fussy child.  The only advice I would give is to find someone to help you, or you may find yourself is a really bad place.  I wish I had people come over sooner to give me breaks from my daughter, but thankfully I had a clear enough head to know that I could not deal with her any more and needed to set her down and walk away.  Going through this last phase of fussiness put me through more emotional turmoil than when Samuel was in the NICU.

Are we in the clear to not go through a fussy bout like this last one?  I hope so, but I really have no idea, for now I'll enjoy the calm and wake up tomorrow to another good day hopefully.

Baby Ruth

This post is going to be all about Baby Ruth (and I am NOT talking about the candy bar) and our family's adjustment to having two children.  Baby Ruth was born on September 5th, exactly 1 week after her due date and it has been an exciting first 5.5 weeks so far!

I am going to compare our experiences with Ruth to our experiences with Samuel a lot, just to keep it in my perspective.  Most people experience what we did with Ruth or something similar, but since Samuel was our first born and did not follow the norm, it was exciting to learn what the "norm" is (granted each labor and delivery happen a bit differently, but all in all they are a lot more similar to each other when the baby is term than when the baby is 3 months early).  So here are some ways that Ruth and Samuel have been very different:

1. First off, we were excited for labor!  In fact we were waiting (im)patiently and praying for it to start for a few weeks by the time I was in labor.  This is a big difference from when Samuel was born.  You see, when you reach term and labor is supposed to be happening instead of being in the throes of labor all of a sudden, 3 months early, you can view it as a good thing.  When I was in labor with Samuel it came on suddenly and I labored through the night all the while thinking that this should not be happening (and it should not have, but did).  Samuel is the reason I cannot in good conscience say that babies come when they are ready, he came early and was clearly not ready.  Ruth was a completely different story!  I was having contractions that were getting more regular and intense the night before her due date.  We were ready to head into the hospital when labor stopped.  For the next week I waited (im)patiently for labor to start again and all I got were random contractions periodically.  When labor finally started (with the help of the doctor breaking my water) I was ready and excited for it!

During labor, which was hard, but fairly quick for me, I was able to look at the pain as a good thing.  Granted I was really tired, as the off and on labor of the last week of pregnancy and inability to get comfortable made sleep very tricky, but labor was a good thing.  Contractions really picked up around 3pm and she was born at 6:22pm.

2. When Ruth was born it seemed like she was immediately put in my arms (which she wasn't immediately, there was some fear that she swallowed meconium, but it was within minutes).  That was the plan that she would be given to me right away, but after Samuel I wasn't ready for it.  Of course I was happy to hold her and would not have wanted it any other way, but mentally I wasn't prepared for them to just give her to me.  Samuel went straight from the doctor's hands to the NICU doctor.  He was immediately covered up to keep him warm (as he was unable to control his own body temperature and would remain unable for a while) and the NICU team went to work making sure he was breathing.  With Ruth all they did was a quick check over for the meconium and she was mine.  It seemed too easy.

3. I actually had to recover from the birth.  Both births were vaginal, but with Samuel I did not understand what all the fuss was.  I stopped taking pain medications pretty much immediately with him and did not understand why people though I would be in any pain postpartum.  Sure I was sore, but pain?  Let's just say a 7# 15oz baby leaves a little more of a mark on her way out than a 2.5# baby.  For a full two weeks I was more than simply sore, I definitely had pain.  Granted as the 2 weeks went on the pain lessened and I tried to not do things that would make it hurt, but it was a full 2 weeks before I started feeling "normal" again.  For those having babies now, invest in a boppy.  It's not for nursing and it isn't to put the baby in, it's for you to sit on.  Trust me, you'll probably want it.

4. Nursing Ruth has felt like a breeze compared to Samuel.  In fact Samuel was about 6 or 7 weeks old before we latched him for the first time to try to nurse for himself.  Up until then the pump and I were best buds.  Anyone who thinks pumping is easy, hasn't probably done it to boost their supply or keep going (granted for some it is easier than others).  Every time I pumped it was like 30 minutes + of time and I did that 10-12 times a day most of the time Samuel wasn't able to nurse for himself.  I am really enjoying that I can simply just nurse my baby.  This is part of why I believe a full-term baby is easier to care for than a preemie.  Even when Samuel came home from the hospital and was eating for himself, I was still pumping 4-6 times a day.  Now, if I feel like pumping I can, but I don't have to for fear of losing my supply.  Another thing I have noticed is I sometimes leak when she cries.  I never did that with Samuel and I have to believe that is due to how I built my supply with them.  Ruth was an active part of that process whereas Samuel was not.

5. Ruth and Samuel have VERY different cries.  Granted this does not necessarily have anything to do with Samuel being preemie, but still.  Samuel's cry was way more subdued than Ruth's.  Ruth is a loud squeaky shrieky crier.  When she cries, you know it and so does just about everyone in a 5 block radius (ok maybe I am exaggerating on the 5 block radius).

6. Ruth is HUGE!  Ok, not really.  She's actually quite average when it comes to size I am told, but still she is HUGE!  I guess your size reference gets skewed a little when big brother was only 2.5# at birth...  I don't know how big Ruth is right now, but she fits 0-3 months sized clothes very nicely and I bet she'll be in 3-6 month sized clothes within a few weeks.  Samuel could wear 0-3 month when he was 6 months old (granted he had probably been wearing them for a month by then, but still, Ruth started fitting in them at only a month of age).  I have had to stop myself from thinking Ruth is "behind" developmentally because Samuel was doing so much more than she is when he was her size.  :-)  I have to remember Ruth is "normal" Samuel was not!

7. Bonding with my baby is so different.  I did not comment on this much when Samuel was in the NICU, but it took me quite a while to process emotionally that Samuel was my son.  I knew he was, but his birth and early infancy was anything but "normal" and definitely not what I pictured when we found out we were expecting with him.  I try not to build up too many expectations because each situation is a little different, but I never expected to have a preemie.  Even though I knew he was my baby and I would eventually take him home and I spent a TON of time in his room at the NICU (went home to sleep almost every night though), it took me a while to emotionally make that connection.  That tiny baby in his giraffe bed, hooked up to all the equipment was mine and is mine.  As I got to hold him more and as he came home and became more and more interactive that emotional connection happened, but it took more time.  With Ruth, I feel like that connection happened much more immediately.  That brings me to my last point:

8.  When I was discharged from the hospital, so was Ruth!  Oh and we did not set up visiting nurse appointments for when she was home (except for 1, they have a nurse come to your house, or you go into the hospital or they have a nurse call you a few days after discharge, but that is standard procedure).  There has been no need thus far to closely monitor Ruth in any way.  She was born, she was (and is) healthy and they sent us home, nothing to it.  I actually had the thought of they just send babies home like this?  Would I have been ready for Samuel to be home so soon after his birth if he were term?  This is way too simple!  Again I have the more involved process of being in the NICU as my point of comparison, not really fair, I know.  We did not even visit with a doctor or a nurse again until her 2 week check-up (and Samuel got to have his 1.5 year check-up then too) and her doctor told us that he did not need to see her again until 2 months.  That is approximately 6 whole weeks of zero monitoring!  That has been so nice though.  When Samuel came home we had a nurse at our house twice a week for check-ups, we had more frequent doctor visits and he had to see an ophthalmologist for his ROP (that thankfully went away on its own).  It's been nice to just go home and be a family!

Lastly I want to comment quickly on the question that everyone has, "What does Samuel think of his sister?"  Well, he's intrigued by her.  He does not seem to understand what is happening, but he seems somewhat intrigued.  When she first came home Samuel had sustained a minor injury that took him off his feet for almost 2 full weeks and was super grumpy, he wanted nothing to do with her then, he was in his own form of misery.  But as he has felt better he is showing interest.  We are practicing gentle touches when he's around her.  He also acts somewhat concerned when she is close by and fussing.  He has put together that we give her a pacifier at times to help calm her and will sometimes bring us a pacifier to give her when she is crying.  Other than that he pretty much ignores her and does his own thing.  His own thing lately includes wandering the house with some sort of kitchen utensil in his hands.  Some of his favorites are the potato masher and the grill spatula.

Samuel practicing his gentle touches.

Ruth is one whole month old!

Samuel likes to try to hang with Ruth and I on the couch.

Daddy with both kids!  Samuel's trying to escape.

34.5 Weeks and Counting

So I haven't written in a while.  I don't know if I was subconsciously trying to not jinx this pregnancy or what, but it was not on purpose!  However, we are currently almost 35 weeks along and 37 weeks is technically considered term (though ask any NICU nurse and they'll tell you that it really kind of depends on the baby if that act full-term or not, so 37 weeks does not necessarily mean you are in the clear).

We have been quite busy over the last months!  So I will keep this pretty brief and focus on what is happening now, we'll start with pregnancy and baby prep.  Recently we went to a family reunion in South Dakota and I got to meet a lot of Ben's extended family that I had not had opportunity to meet before.  I also got to meet his cousin who has twins!  There were lots of little guys there about Samuel's size, so he had a great time hanging with them.

From the family perspective, it was an awesome trip!  We even stayed at my parents on the way out and got to see Ben's Grandma, which is always good too.  From the car ride perspective the trip was killer to my back!  Between being in the third trimester, the car ride and twisting to help Samuel with stuff, my back was pretty well screaming in pain by the time we got home...

So I went to the chiropractor.  I felt improvement after that, but it still hurt pretty bad.  So off I went to get a massage and boy did that make a difference!  Of course all of it has been helped by my husband, who has graciously been giving me nightly back rubs to attack the two spots that make it hurt.  He is such a loving husband, playing along with my pain so nicely.  I really don't know how to get to sleep without him rubbing my back.  And yet, he's gone to the National LCMS Convention and sleep has definitely not come easy!  I need my back rubber home again...  Oh, well, tomorrow I'm getting another massage so hopefully that will help me get to the end of the week a little better!

Please do not read my back pain story as complaining, because I am far from truly complaining about the back pain.  Yes, it is quite annoying and frustrating, but despite that my baby is growing.  Right now my baby staying inside and growing is vastly more important than the back pain I have been having.  So while it is not fun having back pain, I would take the back pain any day over a preemie.  So in a sense I am thankful for it because it means that my baby is still inside me and growing.

This baby is going to have a way more organized and better decorated room than Samuel ever had!  I suppose it helps that a) we have pretty much everything already and b) the baby hasn't been born yet!  If this baby can as early as Samuel we would have been equally disorganized!  Right now the baby has the crib all set up (no sheets on the mattress yet though, that shall be remedied soon though), a dresser (clothes aren't in it yet, but I am working on sorting them, yeah if we have a girl I'll probably end up pulling some of it out, but I'll put it all in for now for the little sizes, but there are bibs, burp cloths and swaddlers all ready to go), diapers are ready (we still have a pack or newborn and size 1 diapers from the baby showers for Samuel and I have all the newborn cloth diapers prepped, sorted and ready to go) and we have some decorations up with matching curtains.  I'll post photos once we get things a little more set, but we are getting really close!

Samuel is doing great!  He had a double ear infection in May and has one again, but otherwise he has been very healthy and keeps growing and learning new tricks.  He has become quite proficient at scootching on his butt and army crawling.  He has loved walking around, holding tightly onto our hands with both his hands and currently is getting more adventurous with walking the furniture.  I don't think he will meet my deadly of being a very able walker by the time the baby is born, but he is getting much closer.  I guess I will probably have to carry two babes around for a while...

Finally I have been working on lots of projects this summer and making slow progress on all of them.  The first one to finish is a photo book I am making for my Grandma's 90th birthday!  We are unfortunately going to miss out on the party as it is soo close to our due date, but maybe we'll give her a great-grandchild for her birthday instead!

I am also working on curriculum for the two classes I am teaching with the Wittenburg Academy.  This is a classical Lutheran online high school.  This next school year will be our second school year.  We learned a lot from the first school year I think.  We know more about things to avoid and things that are really good to do in that environment.  I will be teaching German I and German II this next school year during the Christmas Term and Easter Term.  Originally I was going to teach during the Michaelmas Term, but with baby coming about the time that term starts, I decided to opt out of that term.  So only 2 levels of German this year, hopefully next year we can add German III.  The faculty and staff recently had a retreat in conjunction with the Consortium on Classical Lutheran Education's Conference.  Unfortunately I was unable to attend physically, but was able to join some of the sessions virtually.  We talked about a lot of great stuff and I cannot wait to use some of the resources they pointed us to as I prepare my courses.

With all of this going on Ben has been quite busy too!  He spent a week at guard training in June.  It was quite entertaining when he came home.  Samuel I think was afraid he was going to leave him again, so every time Ben left his site, he freaked out, even if he just left his sight for a few seconds.  Then Ben brought some youth from our Church to the National Youth Gathering at the beginning of this month, came home and got VBS ready and had VBS and now is gone to the National LCMS Convention.  I have not seen nearly enough of my husband!  I am excited for him to be home soon, there is only 1 guard drill between now and our due date, so I will hopefully be seeing much more of him!

I'll just leave you with, we are getting excited about the baby's arrival (though it is not time for baby to come yet) and we are keeping quite busy with all our activities and jobs!

Samuel's Due Date

I suppose there are many ways people think about the day their child was supposed to be born as opposed to the day they were actually born.  This is something only a preemie parent could think about!   Some do not do anything for that day others celebrate it in different ways.  For this first year we incidentally are walking with March of Dimes on the day of his due date.

Samuel's due date was supposed to be April 28th, so being born any time close to that would have been fine, however he was born on January 27th.  He joined the ranks of preemies and on April 2nd last year he became a NICU grad!  He had a pretty uneventful stay in the NICU, there mainly as a grower and a feeder.

During the first (almost) 15 months of Samuel's life we have had lots of things to rejoice about!  He is not as far developmentally as his actual age peers, but he is advancing at an appropriate rate for his prematurity.  Many people had commented in the earlier months that all preemies catch up within 1 year.  These people were not very experienced with preemies and it is sometimes true.  Our son, is not caught up within a year, but he is doing very well.  What the professionals told us is to expect him pretty much caught up in 2 years.  It is my personal belief that he will remain small compared to his peers for even longer.

All that said, what does this have to do with walking with March of Dimes on April 28th?  March of Dimes is an organization committed to reducing premature births in our country.  They provide many helpful resources to families going through the NICU.  These resources educate families on preemies and provide preemie specific baby materials such as a NICU baby book.

If you would like to donate to help the cause please click on this link: Michelle's Page.  I'm looking forward to the walk and can't wait to show you photos of us walking with his nurses and other NICU grads.  :-)

Samuel's Birthday Party!

We delayed and finally got there!  We celebrated Sam's birthday last Saturday evening.  I think he had fun too!  Here are some photos to see some of the festivities:

The cake that everyone got to eat.

Samuel was sort of indifferent during gift opening, but don't let that fool you, he's loved playing with them!  Especially clapping the pieces of this wooden puzzles together!

Again indifferent, but he does enjoy the camera, when we pull it out for him.  :-)

I think we did most of the wrapping paper work, but sometimes he'd grab a piece of paper and throw it to the side.

It took a few tries, but he eventually pulled this gift out.

Sitting under his pile of goodies.

So...  What are we doing now he wonders.

Getting reading for his smash cake!

Ok, so I have this cake in front of me, what do you expect me to do with it?

Ahh!  I have frosting on my fingers!

And it won't come off!  (He kept trying to shake the frosting off his hands...)

Now to dig in...

Yup, I pretty much demolished it!

Except for 1st, it was my first birthday and you shouldn't forget!

So that was a lot of photos, but I figured it would tell the story of his birthday party better than me.  We had some pork loin for supper with some fruit salads and veggie tray.  We also printed off monkey coloring sheets to be colored, we will be putting those in a little book for Samuel.

We decided to celebrate his birthday late (he's about 14 months old now, but only 11 adjusted) because his birthday (January 27th) is super close to Christmas and he just didn't act like a one year old at all.  He definitely acts older now and it isn't even his should have been due date yet!  In the future we do not plan on celebrating his birthday 2 months late, it just fit our situation really well this year!

We had fun and are thankful to everyone who came and made his 1st Birthday Party a good one!